Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows - The Review is in...

Question: How many good scenes were in this movie?
Answer: (In patent Heather Donahue Shriek) ONE! Just OOONNNNNEEEEEEEE!

Yes, the wait is over, the movie is over, and I actually feel dumber having sat through it. This movie was not just bad - it was BAAAAADDDDD. Including Dylan and myself, there were eleven people in the theater, and I think Crow and Tom Servo walked out about half way through - even they couldn't take it any more.

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows (Henceforth know as BW2, because typing the whole title makes me feel dirty) is about as bad as they come, both from the standpoint of portraying Wicca and Witchcraft, AND from the standpoint of it being a movie that people are actually expected to pay money to watch.

Let's talk about the Witchcraft first. The makers of the movie claim to have had actual Wiccans help them with some of the 'Wiccan' content in the film. I will admit, there is one scene, about five or six minutes long, in which the 'Wiccan' character, Erica, explains all about the Wiccan religion - how we worship nature, don't believe in the devil, even explains the Three Fold Law. Unfortunately, as she is delivering these revelations about the Path of the Wise, she is half naked, drunk, swigging Jack Daniels out of the bottle, and smoking marijuana like she's camping with Cheech and Chong. Sorry Erica, but I don't think the folks at home bought the 'Good Witch' story.

On top of this, the entire premise of the movie - I say premise because to call it a plot would be generous - is that the 'Evil Blair Witch' possesses these people and makes them hack up a group of unsuspecting tourists. Oops, I'm sorry, did I give away the big surprise ending? If this ending surprises anyone, it's because they slept through the first hour of the film - Not that that would surprise me, either.

Yes, once again it's 'Name the Witchcraft Stereotype' with your host, Hollywood. From the naked rituals with skulls and knives, to laying out the bodies of the murdered campers in the form of a pentagram, to the Nordic runes that mysteriously appear on everyone's bodies, to every other sentence being about the 'F*ing Witch', this movie was a smorgasbord of negative portrayals and stereotypes that makes 'The 700 Club' seem pro-Wiccan.

And then there is the movie itself. The plot was obviously left on the cutting room floor, as well as any cohesive idea of what the film was supposed to be about. Where the original 'Blair Witch' had a great deal of psychological buildup and suspense to scare audiences, the makers of this film decided that people smoking pot, drinking beer, and using the 'F' word a lot while watching grainy video would be even scarier. There is no suspense, no drama, no fearsome buildups - nothing at all to grab you and draw you into the movie - the halloween issue of 'Martha Stewart Living' gave me more of a scare than anything in this movie.

I'm kind of disappointed, really, because I did like the first film, I really did, and I had some hope for this one. Negative portrayals of Witchcraft aside, 'The Blair Witch Project' was both innovative and frightening. Not only does BW2 NOT live up to the qualities of its predecessor, it falls so far short they should be embarrassed to share the same title.

In closing, not only can I NOT recommend this film, I recommend that you wait until it comes out on video, then make a trip to the video store for the sole purpose of NOT renting it. It really is that bad, and hopefully will quietly leave theaters in a few weeks without doing TOO much damage to Wicca while it's out.